I was thinking of posting these as two separate journals. But given I’ve already posted one today and these two things link together I decided just to post them in one Journal.
Paralysing Fear:
When I was given the rundown on the brief I could feel bad memories from similar group-based work setting my hair on end. The idea of having to work around other people. Fight for my vision, or at least fight to not have someone-else for their vision onto me. Designing a city. Trying to make a story with other people. Try to do things because I wanted to and not out of the need to be different. Just thinking about these things was stressful. Not to mention all the planning and designing that would be needed.I wanted out I really wanted to escape. Kierkegaard once said something to the effect of “If you can still complain about your problems you can bare them. It’s people who can’t talk about them who are in trouble.
And sure enough I was at a point where I felt unable to speak with fear and pain.
It is strange to think that memories you haven’t thought about in years or even decades can freeze you up.
I know that some would say this is an opportunity to move past those bad experiences. And maybe something like this on a smaller scale, with less people, and less at stake could be good for me if I tried. But this feels like being thrown into to deep end with not even a flotation device in reach. Can you see why I’m frightened?
I talked to Owen about it and was able to get some leeway.The brief required us all to make buildings out of card or cardboard for a model city. I could make a building in my own time separate from the rest of the class. And I could make whatever I wanted without running it by the others. This took a lot of the pressure off me. In my mind I gave my building up to the group. They can do whatever they want with it once it’s finished. It’s not my vision but I don’t need to partake in someone-else’s vision instead. A little sad. But doable.
What also helped was being given two days off to finish my constellation work. Being able to prioritise my jobs makes things a lot easier.
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Building the Pyramid
Knowing I wouldn’t have much time to work in I went for a pyramid. The simplest shape I could think of that wouldn’t be boring. I knew the others would probably go for a Sci-Fi look. So I took inspiration from the movie ‘Blade Runner’, which has a giant pyramid in the centre of its city. Though there are real cities today with pyramids in them. The entrance to the Louvre in Paris is a giant glass pyramid. And Rome has a real Egyptian pyramid outside its city centre. I was there earlier this year. So this choice has plenty of president behind it.
There was also a bit of ego in evolved. I knew some people would complete to make the tallest building. So I chose to make the widest. The most physically present and monumental (I guess all that reading about Minimalism did pay off). And sure enough. As of now it is the widest building in the model city. And you cannot overlook it. It dwarfs many of the buildings around it. It has a strong presence in the city and adds to it atmosphere. What more could I ask for?
I found making it easier than I thought it would be. I think my fear and paranoia was still getting to me.I should have known how to make a model out of card just fine. But at the time I was convinced I didn’t and kept asking for advice. In the end Tom found materials for me. And later Morgan helped me out too. And I’m grateful to both of them for that.
I measured and cut the piece myself. And I rather botched it trying to do it quickly. To the point I had to use a guillotine to sharpen the edges and recut them to be the same size. But I botched that too which caused all the pieces to shrink dramatically in size. And they still weren’t all the right side. I clearly don’t work well when I’m rushing myself. I need to pre-plan so I can feel sure of doing the processes right. In the end I just attacked the larger pieces with a knife. And got them almost down to the same size. But now the edges were ruined. I felt a bit like this
And about as dignified.
Sadly the piece still came out very uneven. I cut bits off with a scalpel while putting it together and it still looks awkward and clumsy.
Like I said Morgan helped me put it all together. I held the pieces while he sellotaped them into place. That was great of him.
To add a bit of spice to the piece I asked if I could put a design on it. I was told I could as long as it was all in black (Something to do with the digital effects that will be added in later I think). I knew What I wanted. I chose to paint a Triquetra.
A symbol of the Holy Trinity.
Obviously it would fit onto a pyramid very nicely. But this was more than just an aesthetic choice. I liked the idea of subtly Christianizing an object associated with paganism. If Ridley Scott could transform his pyramids into something new why couldn’t I?
There was also a degree of mischief to this choice. I considered making a church for this project. But that would have required more work than I wanted to do. Also I’m sure my hardcore atheist classmates would have had a fieldday with such a pious display. So this was my way of sneaking a church in without anyone noticing.
I painted the triquetra on with black acrylic, using my fingers. I’ve often used finger painting in my serious art before. It gives me more control and stronger marks. And again, it saves a lot of time. The end result looks like a Franz Kline painting. Weird and menacing and I like it a lot. I think my triquetra adds a lot of personality not only to the pyramid. But to the city as a whole. I’m not often pleased with my own art work but this I am happy with.
Owen helped me film the model on set. So it will be there in the final film. And like I’ve said I think I looks pretty good. It fits in well with then other buildings. And now I bequeath it to the project. What other people do with it in the final film is their choice. I let it be part of someone-else’s vision now.
Now that that’s done. I need to think of something for the next part of the project. I need to make an interior with interesting lighting now.
Wish me luck!
John's Learning Journal 