This has been crazy. Both the pacing and the work has been all over the place.
I missed my first day back due to circumstances beyond my control. The second day
I was allowed to make drawn on film animation. I talked about this extensively in my Journal ‘Holy Relics’, linked here.
https://johnhawk.art.blog/2019/01/17/holy-relics/
And then for the rest of the week I had nothing to do. The only part of note was getting some minimal feedback on my final Constellation essay and a writing task to give feedback to myself, linked here
I covered the second week’s field exercise in detail in this journal
https://johnhawk.art.blog/2019/01/29/my-first-real-week-back/
The next day I came in to try out the workshops that have been so vigorously advertised in our emails. But when I arrived I found the class postponed indefinitely due to our room being taken by someone-else. Instead I found myself given online reading material I could have just looked at at home and no practical work at all.
On Thursday I had my first day of my new constellation class. And I found I hated it. I can see constellation is going to be even more of a drag this year than it was before.
Now moving on to the third week of The new term.
After two weeks were field seemed to involve no collaboration The third week hit me like a tidal wave. I suddenly found myself in a group of people I knew nothing about and tasked to make a film with them?
I felt no urge to try to get my voice heard over the short-haired six-foot tall woman who designated herself our leader, I think without even knowing she was doing it. I merely sat on the sidelines, offering glib remarks while wearing a paint bucket on my head to try to weird them out. It didn’t work. But somehow I ended up in the as the only human in the film. Playing the aforementioned paint bucket like a bongo. I emulated Ringo Starr and just went with the flow while playing the drums. I don’t think the other students liked our film. But the good thing about having no standards is it means you can’t fail. But that was just Monday.
On Tuesday we we put back into the same groups and told to make an installation that used elements of 2D, 3D and 4D art. This project was supposed to last the whole week. But things didn’t go to plan. I had enough time on Tuesday to make a pretty terrible painting (It was A1 paper and it had to be done in an hour. What did you expect?) Then I had to go home.
I had two workshops to attend on Wednesday. And it felt nice to be doing real work relating to animation. But two workshops in one day was a lot to take on. I promised I’d meet up with the rest of group at midday. But when I got there I found only one other member had turned up. And she didn’t think it was worth doing anything so nothing happened that day.
Nearly all of Thursday was given over to Constellation. Again, it sucked. I was hoping to get something done after constellation. But Owen was insistent I come to a lecture he was giving to explain how constellation is valuable to our animation. So I got no work on this installation done then either. And on top of that the lecture didn’t make the self-indulgent academic misfire that is Constellation any more justified. Or even put forward an argument as to why it could be. Owen is still a better lecturer than the actual constellation tutors. But he only gave his own thoughts on modernist art rather than show why I need to be studying anthropology when I should be working on Field.
And on Friday campus was closed due to non-existent snow. (At least I didn’t see any)
So on Monday I have to go in and present and talk about then write an essay on an installation piece that I had barely anything to do with and might not even exist!
This is not good enough. I’m being pulled in multiple different directions by different college departments who all think I can dedicate all my time to them. It’s not that it’s the highest workload, I’ve had worse. But it’s totally unbalanced and uncoordinated. In a good course if I needed a full week to make a big project the rest of the week would be cleared so I could do it. But as is I have to make the time. This crammed balancing act actually feels like more work than a busier but simpler schedule would.
I have some other complaints.
This “collaboration” exercise is a joke. For two reasons.
Firstly. Being left to direct ourselves sounds good until you realise most of us are never free at the same time. We’re usually not even in the same building. And if our leader isn’t in (like on Wednesday) then we can’t do anything. We’re lost. This would be less likely to happen if we were all doing the same module, or given space in our timetable but we got neither.
The other complaint is the though this is meant to be a collaboration between the Animation and
Fine Art students, the exercises are purely Fine Art focused. Turning me into a third wheel at best and someone-else’s slave at worst. I don’t even like modern “Fine Art”. Why am I being conscripted into someone-else’s vision at the expense of my own? I’d be angrier about this if I had time to do the the drudge work I was given. But in this instance one bad idea got in the way of another. But seriously. This is not a teamwork exercise. It’s an unpaid internship to the “Real” artists. And next week I have to write a critical essay on this disaster.
Which brings me to my final complaint with the term so far. In Field I’m stuck “Collaborating” with the Fine artists. And in constellation I’m listening to pseudo-science about how smell is more important than sight. I’m not doing any animation here. I’m not even studying things related to animation. This is not what I signed up for. WHY AM I HERE!?!?!?!
The only things related to animation going on right now are the voluntary workshops. I feel like I’m back at school again. Doing subjects I didn’t ask for. Stuck interacting with people I don’t know and have nothing in common with. And trying to fight for my own path.
I’m really worried about my future. If my will to work collapses I don’t know what will happen. I’ve flunked out over less. I don’t want to drop out again.
Help.